Hi, I’m Perri Nelson, and I’m a drug addict.
That’s right, I’m a drug addict. Let’s get it out of the way now so that I have a future political career. It worked for Sen. Obama didn’t it?
Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I used to take a whole bunch of other drugs in the past, but I don’t any longer. That shouldn’t be a problem though, I was young. Surely you’ll forgive me for youthful indiscretions when I run. We don’t need to go into the details. Oh that’s right, I’m a Republican, so I’m screwed anyway.
What’s that you say, my current drug addiction will disqualify me? Hey, come on that’s not fair!
What drug am I addicted to? Caffeine. Here’s a perfect graphical depiction of my dependency…
Right now I’m somewhere on the upside of the fifth cup on the curve… later in the day, sometime around when I fall back to normalcy (whatever that is) I’ll have to have more coffee. We don’t need to see another triple shotgun murder after all.
The image above was sent to me by a friend via e-mail, so I had to share. I did a little digging and found out that Tom Edwards has a lot of other cartoons on his website. Most of them are on various pottery items that he sells, including coffee mugs, bowls and plates. He’s also been an award winning editorial cartoonist for The Canyon Courier, The Columbine Courier, and The High Timber Times.
Seeing the image reminds me of an episode of Futurama. In that episode, Fry decides to spend his $300 on 100 cups of coffee. Throughout the episode he gets jittery, and very wired. Near the end, just as a disastrous fire that could kill all of the series regulars breaks out he completes his 100th cup. Suddenly, he reaches the peak of the caffeine curve, and everything suddenly moves in slow motion, even the flames and the beat of a hummingbirds wings. He gathers everyone up, puts them onto a rolling table and gets them all out of danger. After everyone is rescued, Leela remarks that they were all saved by an “orange blur”.
One of these days, I wouldn’t mind being an “orange blur”. I don’t think I could drink 100 cups of coffee to get there though.
Cross posted to Perri Nelson’s Website.
On January 5, 2007 at 9:35 pm, LSU wrote:
Since Clinton smoked but didnt inhale, and had sexual relatoins but didnt have sex, the whole notion of moral qualifications has taken a beating, unless you are conservative, in which case the slightest percieved charactor flaw brands you an unqualified hypocrite.
On January 6, 2007 at 12:40 pm, Playin' Possum wrote:
Of course, LSU… The only proper standard by which to judge a person is their own standard… WJC was a dirtball, and the only times he got in trouble was when he pretended to be otherwise. We’re concerned with what you can do "on the job," so to speak; we don’t care what you do privately - unless you do privately that which you denounce publically, like Foley did…
You may amend the aforementioned to the extent that the public and private "person" become indistinguishable. If you assume we have a royal President - like the shrub seems to think he is - then any discrepancy is fair game… Capish? After all, Slick Willie claimed he had a private life, but the Shrub has never so asserted… Except when it came to the party girl twins…
Perri, I’d like to know two things: First, why did you give up those other drugs? You don’t have to answer, but I do hope it was because you wanted to and not because you had to. There is nothing sadder than being whipped by a damned molecule… Collaterally, you might consider using some of those "other" drugs to help break that awful caffeine habit… An afternoon doobie should transform that "feeling of worthlessness" into "I don’t give a rat’s ass" and thereafter the only thing you will feel like murdering with a shotgun is the evening’s tranquility, "murdered" by shooting it harmlessly skyward, or perhaps at paper targets or maybe clay pigeons… If you are feeling really vicious, you might feel the urge to use pictures of the new Speaker as a paper target - but don’t let Homeland Security find out about it…
The second thing I’d like to know is why you want to be in politics… It would be such a disappointment to see another good man turn to the dark side…
On January 6, 2007 at 2:36 pm, PerriNelson wrote:
First, I gave up the other drugs because I wanted to. It wasn’t easy. But I found that they sapped my ambition, and became the most important things in my life. I didn’t like that so I had to quit. Nobody made me quit though. But quitting was very hard to do.
Since I quit I’ve found that I can think more clearly, all of the time, and that I have more ambition. The quality of my work has improved drastically, and I have more money to spend as well.
Another side benefit is a much happier home life. Now that I’m not dependent upon recreational pharmaceuticals I find that I’m able to handle social life a lot better. Kicking the caffeine habit will be a tough one, especially around here, but at least it doesn’t turn me into a zombie.
Second, I really have no desire to enter politics. That was actually meant as a sarcastic remark on the politics of personal destruction that has so dominated the last several election cycles, particularly with hypocritical smears from the left.
You know, or should know what I mean. The so-called "Republican Culture of Corruption" preached about by the Democrats, while people like William Jefferson get caught with $90,000 of bribe money in their freezer, and not only get re-elected, but given a standing ovation by the Congressional Black Caucus on their first day back, just as a single example.
I don’t even think we need to discuss New Jersey, or the Seattle City Council…