That’s right, I’m a drug addict. Let’s get it out of the way now so that I have a future political career. It worked for Sen. Obama didn’t it?

Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I used to take a whole bunch of other drugs in the past, but I don’t any longer. That shouldn’t be a problem though, I was young. Surely you’ll forgive me for youthful indiscretions when I run. We don’t need to go into the details. Oh that’s right, I’m a Republican, so I’m screwed anyway.

What’s that you say, my current drug addiction will disqualify me? Hey, come on that’s not fair!

What drug am I addicted to? Caffeine. Here’s a perfect graphical depiction of my dependency…

Oh, how they hate Measure 37.  As is generally the case, it turns out that you were too stupid to realize the consequences of your actions.  Voters overwhelmingly favored the measure, and so the only conclusion to be drawn is that voters are overwhelmingly stupid.  This means that "fixing" Measure 37 must fall to the Oregon legislature, who in their infinite wisdom, will find ways to disable the measure or overturn it entirely.  They can find ways to do this because they're really smart folks.  Apparently, the fact that these really smart folks happened to be elected to office by the very same stupid jackasses who passed Measure 37 can be conveniently overlooked.

This is Oregon politics at its finest:  voters reject light-rail expansion - twice - and politicians just shrug, call them dumbasses, and find ways to steal money to build them anyway.  Voters say that they want control of their purchased property.  Politicians shrug, call them dumb, and try to find ways to undermine the will of the people.

Really.  Vote-by-mail had great potential, but it just hasn't worked out.  Voters said "no" to light rail extensions - twice.  So smarter folks had to get in there and roll up their sleeves and find ways to get the extensions built.  They had to do this because voters are really stupid.  In effect, they were just saving us from ourselves.  You've got to thank the good Lord that the politicians were there to keep us from screwing things up.  We have so much to be thankful for, as our leaders have brought us fixed rail in the form of more trains and streetcars.  They've brought us The Tram!

And now, theyre going to save us from the living hell of Ballot Measure 37.  Around one million of us voted for it - again.  But we're too stupid to see the ramifications.  We didn't know what we were doing.  Thankfully, riding in on a white stallion, Democrat state Sen. Floyd Prozanski's planning to save us all from our collective idiocy.

Ahnold wants taxpayers to foot the bill for full health-care coverage for all children in the state of California - which might seem noble, except that he wants to include children of illegal aliens under this umbrella.  On the other hand, it may prove less burdensome top the taxpayers than the traditional route pursued by illegals - namely, hospital emergency rooms.  All the same, giving benefits to illegals just doesn't seem right.  In any case, the enabling not only doesn't stop there; it escalates.

Mexico's considering giving GPS units to their citizens who may want to cross illegally into the USA, and they're working with the US government to make it happen.  That's because hundreds of Mexicans die each year while trying to sneak into our country.  The two governments hope to avert this "tragedy" by giving Mexican criminals global positioning units that can be used to page US Border Patrol agents, should the unfortunates find themselves in trouble.  Of course, the Border Patrol will rescue them, then ship them back across the border so that they can try again.  What an incredible waste of taxpayer dollars and Border Patrol resources!

While many in the West criticized the execution, reaction in the Arab world was was surprisingly muted: Egypt and Saudi governments merely issued statements expressing consternation over the timing of the execution - at the beginning of the first day of the Feast of the Sacrifice - rather than the execution itself.  Kuwait, on the other hand, expressed great joy:  "Saddam's death penalty was just. The blessed Feast of the Sacrifice that we are celebrating is twice [as joyful] now that Saddam Hussein's death sentence has been carried out."

In this, perhaps, lies one of those comparatively rare instances in which the Western governments might actually learn from the Arab world:  everything is not Bush's fault, and the death penalty is not a terrible and inhumane thing.  The fact of the matter is that there are people in this world who should rightfully be removed from it.  And with various groups in the USA yammering that lethal injection is somehow inhumane, it may be time to return to the gallows.  After all, Saddam was, by all accounts, dead within milliseconds - and painlessly.

As we predicted, given the recent elections, Gov. "Sleepy" Ted Kulongoski has awakened from his four-year-long nap fully energized, and is now merrily cavorting around Salem like a Santa in a bowling shirt; a huge bag of your money slung over his shoulder.

Although he primarily wants to reward the teachers' unions by handing them billions, he still has plenty of your money left in his bag.  His latest hairball proposal involves spending $30 million of your cash on "green energy". 

"I think Oregon can be…this national crucible for the development of this industry," the governor said this week in an interview with The Associated Press. "The state government can be a model for the private sector."

Frankly, Santa, the only "model" that state government has ever presented for the private sector  has had one recurring theme: What Not To Do.  Especially given your proposed spending spree, it doesn't look as though that's going to change any time soon.

Portland's city council may not be able to take care of the little infrastructure issues - as witnessed most recently by the rather large sinkhole that dumped a water bureau truck (the idea now, apparently, is to stabilize the hole and then fill it in.  What to use?  Knowing these boys as we do, it'd come as no surprise to find that they ordered up around $57 million in one-dollar coins to accomplish this task) - but they sure know how to take quick and decisive action when it comes to things that they have no earthly business poking their collective noses into.

"Let's ban smoking in parks!"  Check.

Fireman Randy: "Let's force gas stations to sell biofuels!"  Check.  (Watch the arm there, Randy - we'd hate to see you hurt yourself while patting yourself on the back)

On Wednesday, January 3,  a U.S. Border Patrol entry Identification Team site was overrun Wednesday night along Arizona's border with Mexico.  Overrun by an unknown number of gunmen, personnel manning the site retreated.  The gunmen retreated back into Mexico - presumably having acquired documents and other materials conducive to establishing false identifications.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, plans continue apace for us to become "North Americanists".  Really.  Programs currently being taught at ASU and other universities are advocating the elimination of our northern and our southern borders, as well as the establishment of a new continental currency, presently referred to as the "Amero".

But progress already is significant down the road to a joint government, evidenced by confirmation that the U.S. government is planning to provide full Social Security benefits to Mexicans as well as a report by the powerful Council on Foreign Relations, considered by many to be something of a "shadow government," that calls for the transfer of massive amounts of wealth from the U.S. to Mexico and the setup of a "security perimeter" around North America.

As the new speaker parties to celebrate her coronation:

House Warming- For Democrats and Deadheads, the Gilded Party

Despite the promised "new direction for America," getting the money out of politics and all of that, some facts of Washington life appear immutable and eternal.

"One hundred hours to make this the most honest and open Congress in history," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi declared at the beginning of a history-making day — which ended last night with the Democrat from California presiding over a glitzy fundraiser open to anyone with $1,000 for a ticket.

They had waited a long time for this night to party, nibble on goat cheese ravioli with pumpkin and truffle, wipe their lips with paper napkins embossed in gold with "Speaker Pelosi January 4, 2007," listen to former members of the Grateful Dead sing "Truckin' " and Tony Bennett sing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco."